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This is a special edition of OneLife, addressing a matter of central interest at this time in our nation: same-gender marriages or unions. The writing is a letter, slightly edited from its original of 11/20/08.
Friends,
I rarely venture into the "moral political" scene. The last time I did on this issue, I got in BIG trouble. Yet, I am slightly irritated about some matters pertaining to same-gender (not, same-sex) marriage or union (I will use "union"). No, this is not a "for" or "against" letter. Something else - a matter of your and my spirit, the heart. So, please read to the end, and see the closing prayer: and share with others this writing.
Demonstrators in California hold up signs as the following: "You Make Helen Sad." So what? Someone gets on TV and becomes more of value than the other millions of us un-named Americans? So what? Many things have made me sad. So what? Being right or wrong is not to be guided by "Helen's" feelings or anyone's feelings. When politicians and actors ... define our morality, we are already in a BIG mess. If right and wrong is a matter of "individual feelings," we are in for social hell - Or, are we already there?
Is it true that we live in a moral universe? If so, could our economic and social sufferings be related, at least in some small way, to our collective moral violations? Or, do we live in a moral-less universe?
Another sign mentions "Hate." No, hate is not the issue with many, indeed most, who are against same-gender unions. Sure, some persons may hate and be against such, but the issue is not hate. Yes, some persons I believe literally hate blacks, Muslims, Buddhists, gays, lesbians, whites, communists, socialists, Christians, the poor, the rich, fundamentalists, liberals, ... - Shall the list go on and on and on...? - The issue involves several matters: human rights, morality, the definition of "marriage," physiology, sexuality, gender, ... And, this is not merely a political issue: it entails, as all politics, religion, rights, civility, morality.... (Should I mention that almost forgotten term central to Christian living: virtue? Or is that too "old fashioned"?)
St. Paul teaches in I Corinthians 14.1: "Pursue love" (AV). Yet, love itself expresses through a moral universe, not my personal wishes, or yours, and love is the supreme ethic, as expressed in I Corinthians 13.13.
13For now there are faith,
hope, and love.
But of these three,
the greatest is love. (CEV)
To betray a higher ethic for a lower one is wrong. Such as, in the name of God I will spread hate, because so-and-so is being evil or advocating wrong. The Cross shows us a Christ who refused to surrender love at the onslaught of hate, or to turn hateful toward hate.
The Christian is not a person who lives up to this noble ideal and Truth. Rather, he or she is a person satisfied with nothing less of himself or herself, regardless of the difficulties or oppositions faced, the battles fought, the love lost. If I wrote this letter based on my personal perfection in love, I would never be able to write it, not in this life.
So, to wish harm on someone who differs from me is malice, not love. To slander another is not love, is it? To hate others is not Christian, not of Christ. Does not the Spirit of Christ still say the following to us?
43You have heard people say, "Love your neighbors and hate your enemies." 44But I tell you to love your enemies and pray for anyone who mistreats you. 45Then you will be acting like your Father in heaven. He makes the sun rise on both good and bad people. And he sends rain for the ones who do right and for the ones who do wrong.
*Matthew 5.43-45, CEV
Another sign mentions "Love." What is love? If I am for same-gender unions, does that mean I am acting from love or am a loving person? If I am against same-gender unions, does that mean I am being hateful or am a hateful person?
Sadly, emotions rule in most religious, political, and social "wars." And, emotions themselves are poor guides in deciding what is civil and moral, or beneficial. "Loving" feelings may not be love, for love is more than a feeling, certainly in the sense we usually mean by "feeling." We can make choices that are totally wrong, while having tender, "loving" feelings about it. We can out of tender, "loving" feelings offer another person a right that will be wrong and in the end hurt him or her. Is this not true? Even as we can withhold a rightful right motivated by the same "loving" feelings. See, mere feelings of a positive-feeling nature for someone can lead us to choose in accord with those feelings means or results that will hurt the person, and others.
Now, take whatever position on this issue you choose, but, let us not unwisely and unkindly caricature others. Possibly, and I affirm so, Christ would be more concerned about our spirits and attitudes in such differences, above the positions we take. Possibly, often we are more like those opposing us than we ourselves can see. And, we can be like the religious of Jesus' day - straining out camels and swallowing gnats:
23You Pharisees and teachers are show-offs, and you're in for trouble! You give God a tenth of the spices from your garden, such as mint, dill, and cumin. Yet you neglect the more important matters of the Law, such as justice, mercy, and faithfulness. These are the important things you should have done, though you should not have left the others undone either. 24You blind leaders! You strain out a small fly but swallow a camel.
25You Pharisees and teachers are show-offs, and you're in for trouble! You wash the outside of your cups and dishes, while inside there is nothing but greed and selfishness.
*Matthew 23.23-25, CEV
What if those fighting about same-gender unions joined their energies to address the social evil of poverty? What if we used those same energies to face up to the injustices of the nationalistic triumphalism that is spoiling our reputation in the eyes of the world and bringing back thousands of young men and women maimed or their bodies deceased? Amazing how we will fight over some issues, while neglecting the injustice of families in our own communities looking for food and shelter and basic mental and physical care, while many of us Americans still glut with plenty - and complain about the minor suffering to our pocketbooks, while we are still rich compared to most of the world's populations.
And, finally, I urge us to realize that a person championing being "straight" might have much ugliness in the heart, while one taking the opposing position might well be much more Christlike. Just plain common sense and everyday experience demonstrates to us that many a confessing Christian may not be much of a Christian when it comes to matters of the Heart, regardless of the moral and social stances he or she takes, even when, also, heralding the name "God" or referring to the Bible "says." How much of such social blasphemy has hurt the cause of Christianity, I do not think any true Christian would want to bear knowing.
Christ, give us
Your Heart
Your Love
Your Wisdom
Your Forgiveness
...
Your Self.
Brian K. Wilcox, Pastor and Writer
* * *
*Charitable contributions would be appreciated to assist Brian in continuing his ministry. For contributions, contact Brian at barukhattah@embarqmail.com .
*Brian's book of spiritual love poetry, An Ache for Union: Oneness with God through Love, can be ordered through major booksellers or the Cokesbury on-line store, cokesbury.com .
*Brian K. Wilcox, a United Methodist Pastor, lives in Southwest Florida. He is a vowed member of Greenbough House of Prayer, a contemplative Christian community in South Georgia. He lives a contemplative life and seeks to inspire others to enjoy a more intimate relationship with Christ. Brian advocates for a spiritually-focused, experiential Christianity and renewal of the Church through addressing the deeper spiritual needs and longings of persons.
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